Goddamn monkeys

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a fan of any monkeys. When I speak of monkeys, I am speaking of the mammals in the simian family; not the crappy pseudo-band from the late 60's. I have never been creeped out by Michael Nesmith (If you don't understand that, Google "Monkees" you asshole). Monkeys have always just been a bit fucked up to me. Sure, it might have started when my Uncle Brian's pet spider monkey attacked me while having my picture taken; but I think that even if that had not have happened, I still wouldn't like the little bastards.

First of all, they are just goddamn creepy looking. Sure, they have opposable thumbs that causes them to be able to do all kinds of humanistic shit; but that also makes them a tad on the fucked up side. These little pricks can be trained to run stuff. They can push buttons, open a banana like a madman, and do some nifty tricks to the delight of others, but they can also do some shit they shouldn't be able to do. These little bastards have been in rockets shot into outer space. Have I been to outer space? No. Mother fucking monkeys have, and that just doesn't sit right with me. These sumbitches have been taught to ride motorcycles, shoot guns and solve problems. THIS IS NOT COOL, PEOPLE. Not at all. Does no one realize that teaching these little fuckers how to do shit is not right? Sure, some people may giggle away as some monkey rides a motorcycle with a poodle on the back. Do they not also realize that you have basically trained this little cocksucker how to operate a motor vehicle and cover more ground with motorized transportation? This might not seem important, but tie that in with teaching one how to fire a weapon leads to the possibility of a goddamn monkey drive-by! That is not something I want to witness.
I won't ramble on about this forever right now, but just remember: these little bastards are smarter than most people think. The more people teach them, the worse off we all are. I'm not eluding to some Planet of the Apes type shit, but these little bastards could be dangerous if they wanted to be. Just be wary and keep one eye on the little fuckers at all times.
If you see two monkeys on a motorcycle, drinking beer and packing a gun... well, then I guess you are fucked and you should of listened to me